A Special Day: September 19

Today is Leeanne Finley's birthday. She turns 21 today! I miss her and hope that she has an amazing birthday.

Also, my grandparents are coming to take Josh and I out to dinner tonight. It will be an interesting night.

I am greatly stressed. I have/had a resident who was dealing with many many issues (alcoholism, bipolar depression, nonacceptance by her friends, etc). I thought that she was beginning to sort them out. However, Thursday she went home. She hasn't been back since and tonight I was informed by one of her friends that she is withdrawing from UNI. I know I can't become invested in this one girl. But at the same time I feel like I should have done more. I have the thoughts of "Would she have stayed if I did this one thing differently?" "Did I push her too hard to go to the counseling center?" I just feel as though I failed her.

I am also getting sick thanks to Ryan, and Josh, and Feeney, and Phil. Even though Phil swears that I got them all sick without physically being sick...I am now getting sick. What I also don't understand is how Phil can blame all of this crap on me when the only time I ever see Josh is at lunch, some dinners, and then the weekend. Whereas the other attached guys in the apartment see their girlfriends every night and are able to hang out with them every night. And Josh and I still get crap from Phil? Explain to me how this makes any sense at all?

I'm taking this weekend off. I really want to go home and see my parents and get all of my clothing, because I have NO sweatpants. But I run into the problem of losing valuable time if I go home. I am super duper stressed with the amount of work I have to do for classes along with the amount I have to do for my job. So, going home on the weekends, my prime study time and catch up time, doesn't seem feasible at all. BUT I really want my sweatpants and all of my other clothes REALLY bad! I just don't know what I am going to do. Plus, I need to get an internship for this summer. Stress, stress, and more stress. What do you do with all of it?

As I continue ranting, raving, and being completely sporadic...I realized how much I dislike shopping alone today. I kind of always tried to avoid going shopping by myself. Today however, I did go by myself, and I felt like a loner and an idiot. I also was not approached by a single sales associate and personally that is a really low blow to my self esteem. While my self esteem currently is not very high due to weight gain, this was not helpful one bit. I just don't understand it. I walk into a store and the lady doesn't say hi or anything. 2 girls walk in about 15 minutes after me and get greeted by the same girl almost immediately. Do I look weird or unapproachable? I don't think so. The job I am in 24/7 requires me to appear approachable and open to others, and I would like to think that I am that way.

Last thing, wow is the only word to explain what is going on in the world. I don't watch the news (I don't have time) but I do hear about the financial world through my Corporation Finance professor who owns his own investment firm. Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, AIG...REALLY? My professor has started out ranting about the financial world crumbling before our eyes. And every day he keeps saying "This US financial crisis situation has not been seen since the stock market crash in the 1930's" As he says this, especially on the first day he started ranting, I thought to myself, "Well, what a way to start out a class...saying we're in the Great Depression (pretty much) again!"

Goodnight. It's almost 2 and I should be in bed.

Stress

Stress is becoming something that consumes me. While I love the weekends, they are no becoming filled with stress; and that freaks me out!

Classes are running me into the ground. AND I have my job. Josh and I have become meal dates. That's basically the only time I see him. It's difficult. Phil actually said that Josh is the least whipped boyfriend. I know that's like nothing to anyone else, but for me that's huge. Phil has always said Josh is whipped and I don't think he's ever appreciated or accepted our relationship...aka we just don't mesh well.

So what's my plan to fix all this? Well, to start with I'm taking Saturday night off. I won't be going anywhere but I also won't be responding to anything, should it happen. Will this completely fix it? No. I have a boat load of homework to do and I have tests coming up. It will hopefully help out with the stress load though considering that school work and issues with my job are the culprits of it all!

Classes.

Classes begin tomorrow. I'm nervous, stressed, and don't feel prepared at all.

Prayer

Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray...

All I can say is pray.

I'm not going into detail, but please, in your thoughts and prayers just pray for Jaron Mumm and family.

Birthday and Beyond

So, my birthday evening was great. The day-not so much. Oh well. I worked during the day and made money and left early. Then, I got ready to go to dinner with Josh. We went to the Olive Garden (one of our favorites + Josh had a gift card for it) and each ordered amazing dinners. We each only ate half and took the other half home. Breadsticks and salad were amazing as usual. So, on to the good part... On the way back to Josh's I am just dying to know what he got me. It was like 20 questions and only one answer. "You have to wait and see." The more I ask the longer he says he's going to make me wait to open my gift. Of course, I keep asking questions and then beg to have the time moved up. So, as we pull into his driveway he says "Wait until 10 and you can open it." And I argue back and say "9!" Then he is like, "Okay, 9 but you have to promise you won't open it until 9 or when I say you can open it." So I'm thinking "Fine, whatever..." But no...He had to be a butt about it and purposely leave the stinking bag out on the table right next to where I always put my purse. Yeah... So I see it and of course am thinking "You have got to be kidding me!" I made this promise not to open it and he just had to do that. Apparently I was able to successfully hide every emotion going through my body at that time, because Josh didn't pick up on it. He thought I didn't realize. So, he walks back to his room for something, I don't know, and his mom asks me "Did you see what was on the table?" and the conversation goes on. Josh comes back in and I let my emotions show on purpose. He continues to be a brat and act all innocent like he doesn't have a clue. After going back and forth he decides to let me open it. So we sit down by the table and I open this bag with "Zales" written on it. Out comes this little black box. I'm excited but don't want to rip it apart... So, I open this little black box and find:



So there's my story! I had an amazing birthday with someone I love and just happened to get a beautiful gift from him. If he actually read this, I would say thank you.

August 4, 2008

I'M 20!!! WOO HOO... Now can this year go by really fast so I can be 21? haha.

I'm getting spoiled tonight. Josh and I are going out to the Olive Garden and then I get my gift! No clue what it is, but I can't wait!

It's just sad becasue I leave on Saturday...I am nowhere near ready to go. Haven't started packing clothes or done my door decs... my bad!

Oh well. Josh is supposed to pick me up any minute now so I must go finish getting ready!

With Love,
The Freshly 20 year old!

Summertime...

My summer is flying by...

I have no free days left except Sunday afternoons and everyone knows how motivated you are on a Sunday afternoon!

Friday is Amy's rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Saturday is Amy and Thomas's wedding. I am excited and very happy that Josh got Friday and Saturday off! Now he can take pictures for me! :-D

This past weekend Josh and I went to Leeanne and Kent's wedding. It was stunning! The ceremony was gorgeous and so was the bride. The bridesmaid dresses were the best dresses I've seen. However, it's a lonely feeling when the only friend you've hung out with and discussed every area of your life with during the summer is now married and moving to Wichita, Kansas. I am honestly happy for the couple! I will be sad to see them leave but know they are going to start a wonderful life together.

Work is going ok. I am ready for it to be over however. It isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. So, one summer is definitely enough for me. I really like the bank but my boss is a a goober to say the least and is probably the most gossip-y and catty person in the bank. He won't talk to one of the personal bankers and frankly, that's ridiculous! We have the bank president, a commercial loan officer, my boss, another lady who works with commercial loans, two personal bankers and four tellers (at the most) in the bank at one time. It isn't very big so, to not talk to one person because you don't like them is pretty dumb!

Oh well...my summer has flown by, and I'm missing it already and it's not even over!