Officially

That officially makes it 3. Wells Fargo, KPMG, and Principal.

Officially, I am leaving tomorrow at 5:45pm to go on retreat. I don't know how it will go. I have a secret that I am not supposed to tell. It's hard, I'm not good at it, but I must keep it a secret. I am excited, nervous, elated, scared, etc. I just want to hug someone but I can't because that may give it away. On the other hand, retreat can go either REALLY well or REALLY poorly. We can either have a re-bonding time, or a 24 hour period where we pick at eachothers personality traits that don't mesh with ours. I don't know what it will be like compared to last year. Us girls semi got along, but the boys were able to take our dislikes for each other and focus it on them. We shall see.

Officially, I am going to miss some one on one time with Josh. He may or may not be going home. I only saw him for less than an hour today. I miss him. I realized earlier this week one day that I had only seen him at lunch and we hadn't talked at all other than that. May I also point out that lunch is not a high quality talking time for Josh and I. Mainly I am quiet and he jokes around with everyone else. Which brings me to another part of my life that is making me kind of upset and sad.

When it comes to Aaron Feeney, I thought he was pretty relaxed and someone that had a calm, non-dramatic personality. For the past 3 weeks at the VERY least, he hasn't talked to me, he won't say hi to me. I'm frustrated because I didn't do anything. No, we were never truly good friends. However, I thought we were the kind of friends that could joke and hang out together in a large group. Unfortunately, those times have come and gone. I don't know when they disappeared or why, but I feel guilty that it was something I did and didn't know about. I don't think he's a horrible person, and I've asked him if he was upset at me, no answer. *sigh*

I miss home. I never really have missed home during college except when Josh was in Des Moines and I missed him. I really really really want to go home. I need Thanksgiving Break to get here. I need time to breathe and become a person again. A person that isn't consumed with the frustrations of other people or classes. A person that can say, "I am going to go here and do what I want, when I want; and if I change my mind, oh well!" To close my door, is not enough anymore. To go to ROTH is not an escape anymore. I need to get to Des Moines, to my home, to the family I love (for the majority of time). I want to shop. While that isn't probably the best "want," it's something I am excited for and I don't have to plan it around other events and commitments. It's like my "me" time although I hope to be with atleast 2 other people. Depending on my mom's work schedule, I may ask if she wants to go, because I miss her.

My dad came up here to Cedar Falls tonight to bring my winter clothes and other items I needed. My mom was going to come up next week. However, I really wanted sweatpants by retreat so I didn't have to sleep in shorts. I know my mom was really upset about that. She won't tell anyone, but you could tell in her voice when I told her that Dad was coming up that she was looking forward to it. She was like "Oh, your Dad didn't tell me that. How come?" and I explained why. She was like "Ok, that makes sense, well, I will just come up some other time." She has never said anything about wanting to come to visit before. I have always been what they call "their independent child" and right now I am so homesick. I've never been this way before and it's catching me off guard. I need to focus, pull myself together, and go sleep.